From time to time some of us feel like we lack self-confidence. As an example, say we have a report ready to submit, and we start wondering if we made any mistakes in the report. Things like did we cross all the t’s and dot the i’s? Did we use the right model for analysis? Did we use the appropriate data? Did we make any calculation mistakes? The list goes on and on. As another example, say that we have to give a little speech to a large gathering. Some of us may wonder whether our speech is too long. Others may be concerned that it is too boring and they need to add some punch to it. Of course, many of us would just shy away from public speaking. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.
Whether it is at work or outside of work, many of us experience lack of self-confidence. Some lack-of-confidence is a good thing. It will force us to check and improve what we have. In an article Dan Pink shared recently on LinkedIn (click here), he points to not mistaking confidence for competence. In fact he says that, “people with genuine expertise are actually *more* tentative & uncertain in their specialty precisely *because* they know so much”. So you are in good company, if you are not so confident after all. Take a moment to read the article Dan Pink refers to in his LinkedIn post. Nonetheless, having confidence is not a bad thing at all.
The danger of lack of confidence is that if it is unchecked for an extremely long period of time, it could result in other conditions such as low self-esteem or imposter’s syndrome. There are several websites that talk about the difference between esteem and confidence. They are not the same thing, and one does not imply the other. However, life experiences do contribute to a person having low self esteem. So it is important to understand if our confidence is continually getting undermined. The other aspect is imposter’s syndrome where a person develops so much self doubt that they fear being caught as an imposter. Eric Barker has a wonderful article with tips to overcome imposter’s syndrome through self-efficacy (click here).
Now let us get back to self-confidence. There are a few important things to note about self-confidence. We are not always lacking self-confidence. For example, you could be confident while driving, cooking and skiing, but lack confidence when it comes to public-speaking or creative writing. In fact, we may have different levels of confidence in sub-topics (for example you may be confident at calculus and trigonometry but not so in algebra). Further, our confidence level depends on time and circumstances. For example, in a project you may have been confident of an ability but diffident regarding the same ability on a different project. So before you take that online test to see if you can be labelled as “lacking self-confidence”, be mindful of these aspects!
On a slightly different note, it is important to talk about being on the other side. Say you are a supervisor (in the situation of the report in the first paragraph) or in the audience (where someone is nervous to give a speech). It is important to recognize the lack of confidence and show some compassion. You could be supportive, be understanding, and bring out the best in the person. That takes a lot of talent and is often under-emphasized in leadership skill development. While I agree that it is extremely important to give constructive feedback in an assertive manner, I also think that in the process the recipient should not lose confidence in what they are doing. Having said that, let us look into ways to improve our self-confidence.
Find some small wins
If our confidence has been shaken, it could help to find those small wins. In the report example in the first paragraph, we do not have to think of it as a monolithic report. Instead, it would help to break it down into pieces. There may be some things you feel confident about, and those are the small wins. But your attitude would shift dramatically if you think of them as a bunch of little things, and not a single task. You would feel more confident thinking about some of the wins while being concerned about the others. Now, this is not really applicable in the second example of the first paragraph about public-speaking. However, you can practice public speaking by trying with a smaller audience, if the size is the issue. Or you could try with a different group to ease you in.
Keep a diary/journal
If lack of confidence is something that has been bothering you, it would help to keep a journal or diary. In there you can write about situations when you felt confident and situations when you did not. Like stated earlier in this article, self-confidence for the same activity could change with time as well as self-confidence could vary by activities. Find the activities you are generally more confident about. See, by writing in the journal or diary, if there are patterns of when your confidence level reduces. For example, if presenting to authority figures is a lot more scary than presenting to novices, then you can look within to find out what might be causing it. It helps to periodically review your journal or diary and reflect on your journey.
Get a buddy
It is extremely useful to run things by a buddy, get their inputs, and also practice with them something that is bothering you in terms of confidence. There are some benefits of having a buddy, as opposed to a mentor or a coach. One benefit is that you can also help the buddy out with their confidence needs. In fact, by helping a buddy’s confidence, our confidence could get boosted if we likewise apply it to ourselves. However, we have to be careful while choosing a buddy. This person should not be too similar to us, like many of our friends mostly are. In particular, the issue you are having in terms of confidence should not be something the buddy is also facing.
I hope that helps. Wishing you well for a pleasant time with lots of joy and cheer. Keep up the confidence!