Four people Kat, Matt, Pat, and Stat get randomly assigned to a dinner table at a company retreat. The four of them have never met before, and the only thing common is that they work in the same company but they are in different cities and departments. They do not know the existence of one another. This set up was created so that people get to know folks outside their team and sub-organization. When food arrived at the table, the main entree was grilled chicken. Pat, being a vegetarian, asked if there was an alternative for vegetarians. The person serving the food was kind enough to make a substitution of three baby boiled potatoes, two slices of beets, and one asparagus. Pat is used to such poor substitutions and always has a stash of energy bars in the backpack.
As they were conversing, Kat said that she was the only woman in her group. She felt a bit out of place in the beginning and in addition she did not share much of the interests with any of the men in her team. In addition, she could not stay after work hours as she had to pick her child up from daycare, while the rest of the team would meet for happy hours. Kat felt that her co-workers do not treat her with respect and they do not value her contribution. She tried desperately to recruit women in her team so that she would at least have a buddy that she could relate to. When nothing worked out, Kat took the difficult step to fit in by arranging for a nanny and going to the happy hours to socialize over a beer which she with great difficulty acquired a taste for.
Matt offered his sympathies and tried to show compassion by saying how he too feels like an outlier. He said that he and his partner do not have a baby although they want one badly. And it makes it worse when everyone in his team talks about their children at the water cooler. He was delighted that during the COVID years there were no water coolers, and so these difficult moments were gone. But now that the team is returning to work thrice a day, Matt just dreads going near the water cooler. So much that he has stopped drinking water altogether. However, one thing he was thrilled about was that everyone in the office hated returning to work. But that feeling of belonging quickly vanished when he felt they had a different reason for wanting to be home.
Stat did not say much but thought to himself a few things. No, not about his name Stathis shortened as Stat (which incidentally was his major too). Also he was not thinking about outliers as a statistical concept of a particular data point being way outside the norm. However, he was thinking about his experiences in the workplace. About how he was the only statistician in his team while the others are engineers. It couldn’t have helped when they asked why he was scratching his head trying to understand a program, one of the teammates asked if it was Statistics or Stathis’ ticks? While they all coded in Python, Stat would code in R. But Stat did not give a damn. He did not care about what his team or his manager thought of him, he just did his work like a stoic.
Just like the four people above, if we look at our lives, there are so many situations where we feel like outliers. In fact, the same person might feel like an outlier in their appearance, soft skills, coding skills, race, habits, interests, etc. Like Pat, sometimes we cope; like Kat we at times adapt; like Matt we avoid occasionally; or like Stat we ignore and do not care. Finally in many circumstances there is no solution that is easy. This is especially when there is work-related stress and our annual evaluation does not come out well. We sometimes think perhaps it is because we are an outlier. It is extremely human to feel the need to belong and not be an outlier.
Here are some thoughts and steps that can be taken to not feel like an outlier and develop a sense of belonging.
Understanding Negatives in Performance Reviews
In annual performance reviews, oftentimes it is the same form that everyone fills. Being an outlier will just show up so prominently. Also, the form asks about both positives and areas to self-identify to improve. It is important to know that evaluators feel the need to identify negatives. It is not because we are an outlier we got negatives, most everyone does. In fact, someone who is perfect in all respects is the outlier the managers are concerned about as they may leave for greener pastures!
Identifying Aspects Where we Feel Like an Insider
Like the above example, being an outlier for what is considered success is not a major concern. For example, Michael Jordan being the highest paid geography major at UNC-Chapel Hill would not bother him. But he did want to finish his degree and not be an outlier that way. However, when we are concerned about negative outliers, it would help to think about areas where we are not an outlier. We can surely find skills at work that we are not a negative outlier but right there with the masses.
There is No Such Thing as an Average Person
Although there are outliers in one dimension, everybody is an outlier in some dimension. Nobody is right around the average in every possible metric. Funny thing is when they say an average American, what do they mean? What race would this average person belong to? What gender would the average person be? Okay, even in an organization where everyone is from the same race and gender, there isn’t such a thing as an average employee, not even the jack of all trades.