An employee goes on a 1:1 online meeting (by voice) with their supervisor. At the meeting the employee, trying to stay strong, describes their project status in a calm and relaxed manner. However, the employee is upset that a coworker is not responding to their request which is causing major delays in the project. Despite that, the employee is putting on a calm and relaxed demeanor. The employee, being hyper sensitive and empathetic, felt it would not be right to throw the unresponsive coworker under the proverbial bus, as for all you know that coworker may be having a tough time in their life. So the employee tries to describe technical problems in completing the assigned project thoughtfully in an unalarming way and a casual tone while at the same time feeling anxious inside.
Recall that this is an online meeting with video turned off (as this is the way to empower employees, and I could but am not saying this in a sarcastic tone since there is tremendous merit in giving autonomy for employees). So, there is really no scope of reading facial expressions, examining body language, or feeling the vibes that one can get in an in-person meeting (but it still beats an email update). The employee in question, does want to explain very subtly without putting the coworker under the bus with the hope that the supervisor might provide a hint if the coworker is truly having a personal difficulty (in which case, the employee would do everything they can to help the coworker) but would not want to be taken for a ride by the coworker.
The supervisor tried their best to listen despite lots of work-related notifications begging the attention of the supervisor during the conversation. At the end, the supervisor tells how the employee could solve the technical problems, and wraps up to go to the next urgent meeting that is kicking in. Now the employee sadly has even more things to do than what they were originally assigned (i.e. what the coworker was supposed to do and also what the supervisor has now asked). And the already high level of anxiety has now escalated further. Putting their hands on the face, the employee finished the call, and swivelled on their chair 180 degrees. There they see their precious toddler pouring out a bottle of orange juice on to the carpet. The child gets yelled at, of course!
The employee in question cleaned up the orange juice mess, put the child to nap, and sat down to think what happened. They surely started out with emotional intelligence but ended with a minor outburst. They also felt emotional neglect by the supervisor as instead of understanding the employee’s emption, gave them more things to work on. Of course, the child also felt some emotional neglect as instead of getting praised for not disturbing an important meeting and also for trying to inexpensively recolor the carpet for the price of an orange juice bottle, all the child got was a shouting. Who knows what that child will do to their boss who may just be an AI bot completely incapable of understanding emotions? Nonetheless, let us keep our focus on the employee that felt emotional neglect.
Emotional neglect is subjective and deeply personal. When someone experiences emotional neglect, they often lack the emotional support, validation, and encouragement that are essential for healthy psychological and emotional development. Emotional neglect can lead to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one’s abilities. It’s important to note that the effects of emotional neglect can vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances. Each person has unique emotional needs and expectations. What may be considered emotionally fulfilling for one individual may not be the same for another. If someone’s personal emotional needs are not met, despite having a supportive background, they may still feel emotionally neglected.
What matters most is an individual’s perception and experience of emotional support in their current circumstances. If someone feels emotionally neglected, it is essential to address these feelings, seek support, and work towards establishing healthier emotional connections and relationships. Many times we need to do it ourselves (as opposed to the employers’ initiatives) and here are some thoughts for that:
Name your emotions
If you are among the 10% of the population that has alexithymia (which apparently translates from Greek as no words for rage/anger), then this would be hard to do. Others can consider naming the emotions as it can help contain and manage them effectively. Understandably, it is difficult to do that when different emotions keep coming one after the other in a short duration when we also have to pay attention to what our boss is saying (the poor employee above perhaps started with anxiety, then neglect, followed by frustration, anger, and disgust).
Talk to someone you trust
It may be worthwhile to tell the whole story or situation to a colleague. This person must be reliable, consistent, and able to maintain confidentiality. They should not try to fix the situation or solve the problem. Many times extremely well-meaning people feel they need to put on a cape to save us. That is not ideal. Instead the go to person(s) should offer encouragement, affirmation, and empathy when someone is going through a challenging time. It takes time to find these folks and earn their trust, but it is well worth it in the long run.
Take action to resolve
Getting professional help is the best thing to do to resolve emotional neglect. There are some other options for mild cases of emotional neglect: some advocate meditation (there is a t in the middle, i.e. this can be tried before mediation becomes necessary), deep breathing, and other mind-body exercises; another option is to develop activities we love to make our base level of functioning, such as try out old or new hobbies, listen to music or comedy, and play some sport.