Whether it is a team meeting, a seminar, a social gathering, or a classroom, there are some people that always ask questions. Many-a-time the questions are excellent. They end up breaking the monotony, clarifying things, and revealing new insights. We all love those questions and look forward to them. Then there are questions that are addressing really unimportant things, are disruptive to the flow, and are just outright a display of utter ignorance by the asker. Finally, there are questions that are disrespectful, arrogant, and lacking empathy. Let us call the above types as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly questions.
If you’d like, take a moment to hum or whistle the famous tune from the movie (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly). Done? Okay, speaking of myself, I want to ask questions that are good but such a want sets too high a bar that I never end up asking questions as they are not good enough in my judgment. Of course, I am also concerned about asking questions that may be construed as bad or ugly. I wonder if the reason for not using an Oxford comma after “Bad” in the movie title is because the good is of one type, and the bad/ugly is the other? Hmmm, anyways check to see if we are judging too much before we ask our questions.
Here are two circumstances when we have trouble asking questions: (1) we do not know what to ask; (2) we know what to ask but not how or when to ask. To clarify (1) a bit further, it is not that we “must” ask a question and are looking for something to ask. It is more like we are finding it difficult to articulate our question because we are facing an information overload of stuff we do not follow. I must confess of being guilty of doing this to the students in my class; no wonder most of the time there are no questions from my students. Then, (2) is related to the bad and ugly alluded to earlier as we do not how we would be judged by our audience.
Taking a quick detour going to the other side, as the main speaker, a key presenter, or the leader in a meeting, it is our responsibility that the audience does not feel that they have trouble asking questions. It is certainly much harder in a virtual meeting when everyone’s camera is off. It is also difficult when there is a lot to cover that we are unable to pay attention. Having acknowledged that, one strategy is to explicitly ask if there are questions. Also if our audience may feel the need to remain anonymous, we could set up a survey to post questions or in a physical meeting write questions on a flash-card. It is important that people feel empowered to ask questions, let us make that convenient.
Now back to our having trouble asking questions in meetings. Here are some purposes we could remind ourselves when we are in such a predicament.
Helping the speaker or presenter
We might think that we are interrupting the flow by asking questions, but chances are that we are helping the speaker understand their audience. Questions are great ways to communicate to the speaker that they need to slow down or explain further. In fact, chances are there are others in the audience that may appreciate that they are not the only ones that needed clarification. Also, in many situations we often make the speaker feel comfortable by asking relevant questions.
Satisfying our intellectual curiosity
We might sometimes feel that we may be asking an unimportant question. But it may be to satisfy our intellectual curiosity. We ought to be asking those questions, as whenever a question comes from a curiosity space where the intention is to learn, it always is a great question. Leave it to the presenter to request to take it offline, if needed. When you go to technical meetings, observe how some of the well-accomplished folks ask to satisfy their intellectual curiosity.
Getting value out of the meeting
When we are ready to get over our trouble asking questions, a good way to start would be by taking the time to prepare for meetings. This way we are not lost in the meeting when a presenter is speaking. Also, we could write down questions in advance. If appropriate, we can also write down what we wish to get from the meeting. For sure in one-on-one meetings, it is extremely helpful to prepare by learning about the other person, their background, work, and interests. This way we feel our time by attending the meeting is well spent.
Have fun and keep asking questions!